THE ISSUE OF FEELING THE NEED TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF

People pleasing... my biggest problem!

I so badly want to just say ," sorry i do not have the time at the moment." but instead,i will get into a 2 page letter as to why i cant right now and how sorry i am and what i am busy with at the moment and start going into my whole life history while Im at it.

A friend of mine told me something really special, he said that i am in control of what i do and say but how others react to what i do and say is none of my business. If i tell some one i dont have time (and i really dont) and then they are annoyed with me, that is not my problem. I will always try to make sure that when i dont have time for something that the person is also not annoyed with me and I'm sure you can imagine how time consuming that is and just ....pointless. People pleasing is an addiction that pleases no one! 

I am reading a book " The Art of Not Giving a Fu**" and also the TED Talk from the same author who says you need to put time and money into things that make you happy and fu** everything else that serves you no purpose.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwRzjFQa_Og

When a model will ask me for photos from a shoot from 2 days ago i get so annoyed and again write a long message explaining why they wont be ready until next week and what i am currently busy with. After 5 years of sending the same messages to clients i finally realised its making me stressed and they will sometimes ask again in the next 24 hours. I have learnt that i was making myself  stress when i had the option to "ignore" or just say "hello, i will message you when they are nearly ready." Now when i say ignore i dont mean be an ass about it.. i just mean not spending 20 minutes of each day just replying to models about when their photos will be ready when there is no point of a daily update if the photos are not ready anyway.

I can be honest and say sometimes it has hit 2 or 3 months past the shoot and i am still not finished with the photos.. Photo-shoots are my only income so the paid photo-shoots will be done before the free photo-shoots..i need my gluten free sweet potato bread and kefir water.

I am trying to learn to be good to myself while being productive and NOT people pleasing.

This isn't about never doing anything for anyone else again. Its when you genuinely want to do something for someone and not when you're doing something just because someone else wants you to or you want to manipulate the situation. Learning the difference will help you make better choices for yourself. 

You need to value your time and your energy and also set boundaries. If you just say "no" its much better than doing something you dont want to do just to people please. There is only so much you can do in one day and you need to be clever with your time or you could be retouching photos for someone the whole day being annoyed that the only reason you are doing these photos before others is because they nagged you, People can WAIT.

I once did a photo-shoot for a client where we shot 40/50 outfits in one day (i was told 20) ..they talked down to me and asked me to hurry up with importing the photos and the cherry on top was getting fingers snapped in my face to "chop chop and hurry up". At any point i really wish i just said "listen, you are not respecting my work process i think its better you find some one else to do this photo-shoot for you"..But i did not and at the end of this shoot they told me the images were "unusable and any photographer would agree with them". They then said they would not pay me because they could  not use the images even though they used about 20 of the images on their online clothing store.. This could have all been avoided if i just said sorry but you can find some one else and not.. people pleased.

Another issue is feeling the need to explain yourself and what you are doing in your life. Your journey is unique to you and others journey's are unique to them.
People will always give you their opinion on your choices, your work and pretty much anything! Always do what works for you. What someone else does may not work for you.


so.. realise you have a choice, you have control over your time and you dont need to feel bad doing what works for you. Consider if something is worth it before agreeing to do it and realise that you can’t be everything to everyone. Life is too short for spending time and energy on things you dont want to!